A message from the author

One of the many fun and surprising things about having kids who are young adults is hearing all of the sentences that you said to them when they were little reflected back to you. 

Sometimes, this can be exciting and fun, and it makes me feel so proud as a parent. 

Sometimes, I’m a little surprised at what they remember me saying, and if you're like me, you might deny that you actually said that. I have three kids who're very good at sticking together so even if I deny something, they tend to call me out. Apparently, one of the things I often said when my kids were younger was “Don't be helpless. You can figure this out.”

And while I hope my delivery was a little more articulate than how they describe it, I do have a deep belief in teaching kids about independence.

I am very worried about how our culture looks at discomfort right now, and the messages that can be given to kids about their inability to tolerate discomfort.

Life is uncomfortable. There's no way around the idea that life is tough, and I believe we are doing a huge disservice to our kids if we teach them otherwise.

Kids need to be able to handle discomfort; they need to know that they have the skills and tools to get through the experience, and they need to know that it is temporary. They cannot learn this if they do not have the experience of discomfort.

To that end, I did push my kids to do hard things, I did have high expectations, and I did let them experience discomfort. I'm not sure they would say that was the best decision, but of the many parenting decisions I regret, this isn't one. If kids cannot be uncomfortable, life will be very difficult for them.

The Grit Workbook for Kids is for kids who need tools, skills and a mindset that encourages resilience and teaches them to bounce back from tough situations. It came out of my therapy practice where I found myself facing the same pattern of issues parents would come to me with: overprotecting their kids to the point of harming their own development.